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Так, просто так… Я не забываю про Героев. Кстати, вторая часть потихоньку пишется. Но там уже глобальное АУ. Скорее магическо-приключенческий макси.
Автобиография
Автор: KatssСоавтор: shiky29Беты (редакторы): Hermis
Фэндом: Роулинг Джоан «Гарри Поттер», Гарри Поттер (кроссовер)Основные персонажи: Гарри Поттер (Мальчик-Который-Выжил)
Рейтинг: RЖанры: Гет, Джен, Юмор, Повседневность, POV, AU, СтёбПредупреждения: OOC, Нецензурная лексикаРазмер: МиниСтатус: закончен
Хм.
Закрыв глаза, снял очки и слегка помассировал уставшую переносицу. Может, все-таки показалось? Двое бессонных суток работы над заказом невыразимцев могут привести и к глюкам в том числе.
Очки вернулись на свое место, а я снова взглянул на витрину «Флориш и Блоттс». Нет, к сожалению, галлюцинация и не думала проходить. За пыльным неухоженным стеклом на заляпанной чем-то бархатной бордовой подушечке лежал приличной толщины томик с аляповатыми тиснеными позолоченными вензелями и надписью крупным шрифтом.
Тяжело вздохнув, повторил манипуляции с очками. День так хорошо начинался…
— Гарри! — На ступенях небольшого магазинчика напротив книжного степенно стоял радостно улыбающийся Невилл под ручку с недовольно поджавшей губы женой. Анна мрачно зыркнула по сторонам, оценивая всех представительниц женского пола на предмет возможной конкуренции и выцепив пару лиц, что могли бы заинтересовать ее ветреного мужа, грубо развернула Лонгботтома к ним спиной.
Невилл, правда, ее манипуляций не заметил, потому как уже топал в мою сторону, не обращая внимания на не поспевающую за его широким шагом мелкую благоверную. Так они и рассекли вечную толпу Косого переулка. Ледокол, взявший на буксир рыбацкую лодочку.
— Доброе утро! — отцепив от себя жену, Невилл радостно тряс мою руку. Улыбнувшись другу, я скептически покосился на Ханну, которая уже была готова разразится гневной отповедью за неподобающее будущего лорда Лонгботтому поведение на людях. Но, поймав мой взгляд, быстро вязла себя в руки и даже выдавила подобие радостной улыбки. Я даже оценил. Нашлась учительница этикета для наследника. Мда.
Абботы род не благородный и не древний. Чистокровные, это да, но ничего сверх этого. Даром, что ли, она так радовалась покупке Дырявого котла? Трактирщица. Торговка. Даже не ясно, с какого припека Леди Августа вдруг разрешила их брак. Ну да это проблемы Лонгботомов. Я могу банально не знать всех мотивов.
— Привет, Нев. Не сказал бы, что он доброе… — Вздохнув, вернулся к витрине. Книга никуда не делась, продолжая сверкать позолотой.
— О, — Невилл заметил таки предмет моих утренних разочарований в людях. — И кто же автор сего великолепия?
— Ты издеваешься? — Эмоции прорвались легким морозным ветерком, пробежавшим по переулку, развевая мантии проходящих магов, заставляя их ежиться и оглядываться на неуравновешенного меня. Теперь толпа огибала нашу компанию по широкой дуге.
— Ой, да ладно! В первый раз, что ли? — Невилл даже внимание не обратил на пронесшийся мимо выброс магии. Привычный, что тут сказать… А вот Ханна благоразумно спряталась за широкую мужнину спину и прикинулась мертвой бабочкой. То есть перестала меня сверлить неприязненным взглядом, и сделала вид, что вообще не с нами. Мало ли, вдруг злобный неуравновешенный Поттер ее покусает?.. Глядя на мученически закатившего глаза Невилла, я даже пожалел, что не бешеный.
— Такое — в первый… — я вновь обернулся к витрине, соображая, как бы повежливее выяснить: кто именно написал эту муру? А что в данном выкидыше печатного дела нет ни одного реального факта — совершенно точно.
Нет, книги подобного толка, с абсолютно перевранными фактами — или вообще содержащие один вымысел — регулярно появлялись на прилавках любых книжных магазинов. Обычно я даже не реагировал, ибо выходил в свет очередной тираж сразу после разгромных статей про неуравновешенного, темного психа Гарри Поттера. Все делалось с негласного, а иногда и гласного разрешения министерства. И ничего против (на тот момент) я не имел. Нет, то что мое имя регулярно полоскали всякие авторы-фантасты — коробило, конечно. Но на фоне ученичества, войны с Кингом и Уизлями они были пустяками.
Иногда мне даже присылали еще пахнущие типографией и краской издания. В моей коллекции найдутся даже с дарственной подписью лично Кинга… Что поделать, черномазая обезьяна очень любит тонко (ну, в его понимании — тонко) издеваться над «побежденными». Я не выбрасывал подаренную макулатуру. Я ее вдумчиво читал. И храню. В Гринготсе. Эта туалетная бумага рано или поздно мне пригодится. А авторы данных пасквилей почему-то внезапно решили эмигрировать из страны… Климат, видать, не подошел трусливым душонкам. Я всего-то пару раз улыбнулся в ответ на вопрос о моем мнении… Ласково.
Но вот этот выкидыш переходит все разумные границы. Прошерстив обеты на возможные проблемы, радостно оскалился. Нет, касательно отдельно взятой книжонки у меня развязаны руки: Кинг ничего не присылал специально, и ничего — в частном порядке — не запрещал. Возможно, сей труд и не проходил рецензию в министерстве — или, что более вероятно, — является попыткой быстро заработать много денег на чужом имени. Ну что ж, мне со своей стороны, придется объяснить автору, где именно он оказался не прав.
Пока я предавался мрачным мыслям, женушка Лонгботтома неожиданно активизировалась. Вернее, увидала-таки, чего это так блестит сорочьим золотом в витрине.
— О, Невилл! Смотри! — и ухоженный пальчик ткнул в сторону заинтересовавшей хозяйку книги. — Я должна это купить…
Ну, я не сомневался конечно, что Ханна будет в числе первых, кто с удовольствием перемоет все косточки Поттеру. Нев, как же тебя угораздило. На молчаливый вопрос в глазах, друг пожал плечами… Ага, молодой и глупый был…
— Ханна, уважаемая жена моего лучшего друга… Тебя ничего не напрягает в названии этой книги?
— А что-то должно обеспокоить? — удивилась мадам.
— Ну да. Например, вот эта надпись — АВТОБИОГРАФИЯ Г. Дж. Поттера. — уже практически шипел я прямо в лицо бывшей сокурсницы. Аббот даже шаг назад сделала, от грозного меня. — Ты же знаешь меня… — Невилл скептически хмыкнул. Мда, как же я забыл, что меня никто никогда не воспринимал тем мальчиком, который просто хотел жить, без сомнительной славы, без любопытных взглядов… Мерлин с ней. Переведя взгляд на друга я вопрошал уже у него. — Мог ли мальчик-который-ненавидит-прессу-и-не-любит-когда-кто-то-лезет-к-нему-в-душу САМ написать о своей жизни, растряся все грязное белье благородного дома Блэк по заплеванным тротуарам доставшей его до печенок магической Англии?!
«Авто»биография. Нет, вы только подумайте! У какого-то бумагомарателя хватило смелости — и не хватило мозгов — чтобы подписаться МОИМ ИМЕНЕМ. Что тут скажешь, пиздец тебе пришел, многоуважаемый аноним. Уж я-то выясню, кто ты и что ты. А мои адвокаты позаботятся, чтоб оставшихся после всех штрафов денег тебе не хватило даже не носки, сука!
Слегка пришел в себя от кровожадных планов: в воздухе хрустально звенела магия, царапая окружающий мир острыми льдинками.
— Лорд Блэк? У вас какие-то трудности? — передо мной как из-под земли вырос отряд авроров в пять рыл. Народ незнакомый, но судя по всему — достаточно просвещенный в плане моих выкрутасов.
— Нет, у меня нет трудностей. Но они будут у этого магазина и министра лично, если прямо сейчас из продажи не исчезнет ВЕСЬ тираж этой книженции. — Ткнул мгновенно оказавшейся в руке палочкой в испуганно зазвеневшую витрину, что тихо покрывалась инеем. Оценив размеры геройского бешенства, и возможные последствия для отдельно взятого магического переулка, пара авроров по знаку старшего метнулась в магазин, а остальные оцепили вход в рассадник просвещения, не давая любопытным ведьмам и магам сунуться внутрь.
Владелец магазина, со священным ужасом лично убрал раздраживший меня объект с витрины, и долго приносил извинения. Ха, когда в помещении появляются сугробы и начинают расти сталактиты сосулек — а холодный воздух, казалось, дерет горло не хуже металлической щетки, — и двинуться не позволяет мертвенно-ледяная магия самого известного психически нестабильного мага последнего десятилетия, тут любой начнет винится даже в том, чего в детстве не совершал…
В общем, думаю некоему маглорожденному волшебнику Дж. Уоррену не повезло. Вместо гонорара за продажи его, несомненно, гениальной книги, ему придет судебное извещение. Мои адвокаты не зря зарабатывают тысячу галлеонов в день.
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Look at Shaonan, for more than 20 years, Lvzezhou, Anchengzhou, Nanhai, Waihai.After studying it for a period of time, I learned a lot about the maze.
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Shao Nan nodded and smiled one by one.Although many faces were unfamiliar, they felt extremely cordial.Not only that, even with Shao Nan s foodie nature, when encountering such a situation, if it is within the controllable range, of course it is obligatory to take action.
хмм… где-то я уже это читал, причем законченное.. кажется %)
Врядли это. В свое время миников я понаписала прилично. Да и сейчас пишутся:)
Здравствуйте!
Архиинтересно было бы узнать, как продвигаются дела с «Героями-2». Всё-таки времени прошло уже сколько, не хотеллсь бы, чтобы такая замечательная работа осталась незавершённой.
Добрый день. Как ни странно, но Герои потихоньку пишутся. Но пока что, у нас слишком много работы и забот.